No Bad Parts

This Book Is for You If…

✔ You want to stop judging and start understanding yourself.   

✔ You desire healing that is gentle, relational, and rooted in love. 

✔ You’re ready to lead your life from a place of deep trust and inner knowing.

Reading this is like pulling up a chair to the messiest parts of yourself—and finally learning how to listen, love, and heal. 

When Every Part Belongs: Healing, Wholeness, and the Power of Self-Leadership 


Book Review & Reflection by Lindsay Smith, LCSW

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma & Restoring Wholeness with The Internal Family

By Richard C. Schwartz, PHD

Mood of the Book:

Compassionate, Empowering, Hopeful  

5 Gems to Fuel Growth…

We are made of many parts, and each one is worthy of love. 

The shift I needed: When we stop rejecting or silencing the parts that feel messy or overwhelming, we can finally listen to them with love—and that’s where healing begins.

Even after two decades as a therapist, I hadn’t been trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS)—and I had no idea how deeply it would change how I see myself. I’ve always felt competing pulls inside: the part of me that wants to rest, the part that pushes to achieve, the one who feels tender, the one who shuts it all down. What IFS helped me understand is that these aren’t random moods or flaws—they’re parts of me. And every one of them formed for a reason. 

Most of these parts took on protective roles when I was very young. They still think I’m that same little girl—unaware I’ve grown, that I can now handle hard things. That their well-meaning protection might actually be keeping me stuck. 

After reading this book, to help me really learn how to connect with these parts, I began working with an IFS therapist—and that decision has been both grounding and empowering. 

As I began to turn toward my parts with curiosity and care, I felt something shift. The goal isn’t to silence or fix these parts—it’s to connect with them. To listen. To thank them. To help them trust me again. That’s when healing begins. 

We have no bad parts—only parts doing their best to protect us. 

The shift I needed: Even the parts that frustrate or seem to sabotage us are trying to help—they just need to be seen, understood, healed, and allowed to move into a more conducive role.

It’s easy to judge the parts of ourselves that feel inconvenient—impatience, overworking, people-pleasing, shutting down. But what IFS helped me understand is that none of our parts are bad. Even the ones that cause us pain were formed to help us survive something that once felt unmanageable. They stepped into protective roles when we were too young to know what else to do. And many of them still believe we’re that same scared little kid, needing them to take over. 

One part of me, for example, was responsible for getting things done fast. It helped me achieve, stay productive, and keep things moving. Over time, that part began driving me too hard—fueling impatience, anxiety, and constant urgency over what wasn’t happening fast enough. When I slowed down and got to know it, something shifted. I thanked it. I built trust. And eventually, it chose to move into a new role—one that supports presence rather than pressure. 

When we stop exiling the parts that frustrate us and start honoring their original intent, they soften. They trust us more. And healing begins—not by force, but through relationship. 

How we treat our parts is how we treat the people who remind us of them. 

The shift I needed: The way we relate to discomfort inside us is often mirrored in our relationships—learning to listen and love is what transforms both.

It wasn’t until I started working with my parts that I realized how much they shaped the way I relate to others. Anger hasn’t been a frequent visitor in my life, but when it has shown up, I’ve instinctively pushed it away. That same pattern started showing up with my nephews. When they’d get angry, I’d often redirect or soothe instead of sitting with them in it. Not because I didn’t care, but because I hadn’t yet learned how to sit with that part of myself. 

What we resist inside, we tend to resist in others. When we fight against a part of us we don’t like, it often fights harder—because it believes it’s protecting us. But when we listen with compassion, that part begins to soften. The same is true in our relationships. Arguing, fixing, or pushing someone to change often creates more tension. But when we offer presence and love—even in someone’s hardest moments—we open the door to healing and connection. 

The way we treat our inner world shapes the way we love in our outer one.

We’re all born with life lessons we’re meant to learn. 

The shift I needed: Triggers and painful patterns aren't punishment—they’re sacred teachers showing us what still needs healing.

There are certain lessons life just keeps sending our way until we finally pause, listen, and allow them to shape us. For me, that lesson has been patience. Again and again, I’ve found myself in seasons of waiting: for clarity, for timing, for love. I’ve done the work, used the apps, hired the matchmakers, but I haven’t yet met my husband. And still, the invitation keeps arriving: Will you trust life’s pace? Will you surrender the timeline? 

Dr. Schwartz describes “tor-mentors”—the people and circumstances that trigger us and, in doing so, reveal where we still need to heal. These moments can feel frustrating…until we shift our lens and recognize them as sacred invitations. What if that pattern isn’t a punishment but a path to wholeness? 

When we welcome these life lessons instead of resisting them, we open ourselves to deeper healing. And even in the waiting, we begin to grow.  

Empowering our true Self is the key to healing and flow 

The shift I needed: As we connect with and heal our parts, we make space for the calm, clear leadership of our inner Self. 

The more we listen to our parts and build trust with them, the more space we create for our true Self to lead. And when that happens, we become more grounded, more present, more whole. Dr. Schwartz describes the 8 C’s of Self: curiosity, calm, confidence, compassion, creativity, clarity, courage, and connectedness—and I’ve seen each of these begin to rise as I root more deeply into Self-leadership. 

Over the past several months, I’ve been on a journey of learning to live from my heart’s desire instead of old patterns. It’s a different kind of leadership—one that’s intuitive, embodied, and deeply joyful. When we lead from Self, we’re not just reacting, we’re creating. We’re not just coping, we’re aligning. 

And in those moments, life begins to flow. Presence replaces pressure. Joy returns. And we begin to trust that our inner wisdom knows exactly where to go next. 

My 3 Core Ratings (1-5)

This book was intellectually rich and emotionally grounding. It gave me a new lens for understanding myself and made me genuinely curious to explore more. It wasn’t a warm and fuzzy read, but it offered clarity and depth that felt nourishing.

This book changed how I look at myself. I’d never really thought of my inner world as made up of distinct parts and once I did, I gained more compassion, patience, and a deepening sense of gratitude for the parts of me I used to push away.

This work is powerful, but it’s not easy. Once I started connecting with my parts, it felt like they all wanted to speak at once, which was overwhelming. That’s why I began working with an IFS therapist. I’m learning to go slow, to build trust, and to remember that connection is the goal.

Mic Drop Moment:

“When you can love all your parts, you can love all people.”

– Richard C. Schwartz, PHD

Notes, Nudges & Nuggets:

✔ Self-leadership isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up with curiosity, calm, and care, even when it’s hard. 

✔ If you are interested in learning more about IFS or working with an IFS therapist, you can visit https://ifs-institute.com/

✔ Throughout the book, Dr. Schwartz walks you through several exercises to teach you how to begin connecting with your parts.

If you’re thinking about picking up this book – or doing any Amazon shopping – clicking through my link helps support future reviews at no extra cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!

Final Reflection:

There is a quiet kind of power in learning to turn inward with love.
Not to fix or force, but to listen.
To build trust with the parts of you that just want to be seen.

_________________________

If there’s a part of you longing to be met with compassion, this might be your invitation.
You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to begin. 

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