Necessary Endings
This Book Is for You If…
✔ You’ve struggled with letting go of underperforming team members
✔ You tend to see the best in people - sometimes to your own detriment
✔ You want to grow into the strongest, best leader you can be
This book opened my eyes to how much avoiding pain was costing me and how much freedom was waiting on the other side.
What I Learned About Leadership, Letting Go, and the Cost of Avoidance
Book Review & Reflection by Lindsay Smith, LCSW
Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward
By Dr. Henry Cloud
Mood of the Book:
Tough love, hard truths, and hopeful new beginnings
5 Gems to Fuel Growth…
“The good cannot begin until the bad ends.”
The shift I needed: Growth demands brave endings.
This line stopped me in my tracks as it mirrors exactly where I am in life. Fifteen years ago, I founded my first mental health counseling center. It brought me deep joy to support teens, create spaces for therapists to thrive, and serve our community. But over the last several months, I felt an unshakable knowing: my time there was complete. I didn’t know what was coming next, only that I had to let go to make space for what was meant to come.
For the first time in my life, I don’t have a clear path forward. But I do have clarity. I knew with every fiber of my being, even though it was scary, that it was time to release something that had been good for so long but was no longer right for me. Ending that chapter wasn’t about loss—it was about making room for growth, for possibility, for the new good that can only arrive once I was brave enough to close the door behind me.
Not everyone is willing to grow, and that changes everything.
The shift I needed: Wishing someone would change isn’t leadership.
Dr. Cloud explains that wise people adjust when they receive feedback, while foolish people deny, excuse, or deflect and are not willing to change until they feel it clearly affecting them – and sometimes, not even then. Suddenly, years of confusion made sense. I thought I wasn’t communicating clearly enough, but the truth was, some people simply are not going to change just because I want them to.
One example? I had a team member who was perpetually behind on her progress notes. Every week I reminded her, asked kindly, encouraged… but she always had a new excuse. It wasn’t until I created a clear consequence (no new clients until notes were caught up) that anything changed.
I’ve had to face the hard truth that no matter how much time or grace I give them, some people simply aren’t going to change. And the longer I hold on to wishful thinking instead of facing the reality, the more it costs everyone involved—me, the team, the company, and the person who isn’t growing.
Sometimes, you can’t have it all and pretending you can is costing you.
The shift I needed: Face reality and make tough choices to create what matters most.
I want a manager who is detail-oriented and deadline-driven… yet I also want my current manager’s warmth and relational strengths. I want to eat the whole tub of ice cream… but I also want to feel great in my favorite jeans.
This book helped me make peace with the truth: some things just can’t coexist. And when that’s the case, I have to pause, get honest, and ask, which do I want more? From there, it’s about making the hard (but freeing) decisions that move me closer to what matters most.
Let. People. Go.
The shift I needed: Holding on delays growth - letting go sooner serves everyone.
“All of your precious resources—time, energy, talent, passion, money—should only go to the buds of your life or business that are the best, or fixable, and indispensable.”
This one hit hard. All three of the earlier lessons lead to this truth: some endings really are necessary. In the past, I wouldn’t fire someone unless I absolutely had to. I kept team members on, even when their behaviors were negatively affecting others, because I didn’t want to cause pain, and I didn’t want to deal with the stress of hiring and training someone new. I thought I was sparing both of us discomfort. But this book made something very clear: that delay came at a cost. To me. To them. To the entire company.
Letting someone go sooner could have lifted morale, increased performance, and accelerated growth. But I avoided the short-term pain of a hard conversation, and in doing so, I prolonged the dysfunction. There were many times over the years when, deep down, I knew the person wasn’t going to change, and still I waited, hoping they would. Looking back, I can think of at least three situations where I dreaded the conversation for weeks (or months)… only to find that once it happened, both the team and the person I let go were better for it.
Clear, kind endings attract the people you truly want around you.
The shift I needed: My standards shape my community.
We attract what we are. As I was reminded of this, I had one of those “of course” moments. I realized I had been unconsciously creating the very environment I no longer wanted to be in.
By tolerating behaviors that didn’t align with my values, I was reinforcing them. I thought I was making things easier by avoiding the discomfort of a hard conversation and giving the other person freedom to do what worked for them. I told myself I was being compassionate. But the truth? I was enabling stagnation. And in doing so, I was hurting myself, the team, the person, and the culture I worked so hard to build.
In future ventures, I want to do this differently. I want to set crystal-clear standards, communicate them kindly and consistently, and let go of what (and who!) no longer fits. As I do that, I will create space for the right people, people who reflect the values I hold and the energy I want to grow.
My 3 Core Ratings (1-5)
Not exactly, but in a good way. This book delivers hard truths I needed. It felt like tough love from a mentor who wants to see me rise. There was joy in the clarity it brought and the future it helped me glimpse.
This shifted the way I think about leadership, especially around holding on to team members for too long. It helped me see the ripple effect that avoidance can have on an entire system. It strengthened my commitment to show up differently next time, with clarity, courage, and the willingness to do what’s best for everyone involved.
Since I recently sold my company, I don’t currently have a team, but I’m already integrating these lessons for the future. I’ll lead differently next time. I’ll no longer excuse poor performance or avoid accountability conversations. Clear expectations, deadlines, and follow-through are my new baseline.
Mic Drop Moment:
“What reason, other than the fact that I want this to work, do I have for
believing that tomorrow is going to be different from today?”
– Dr. Henry Cloud
Notes, Nudges & Nuggets:
✔ While I focused mostly on leadership takeaways, this book also has powerful lessons for relationships, especially when you’re hanging on to something that’s no longer healthy.
✔ It gently, but firmly, challenges you to see reality clearly, not through rose-colored glasses.
✔ If you’re resisting a necessary ending, try using a deadline to help you move forward.
If you’re thinking about picking up this book – or doing any Amazon shopping – clicking through my link helps support future reviews at no extra cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!
Final Reflection:
It takes courage to end something. It takes even more to trust that something greater is waiting.
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Have you been sensing a necessary ending of your own? If so, I hope this gives you courage to move toward it.
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