Let Them

This Book Is for You If…

✔ You take on too much responsibility for others

✔ You struggle with people-pleasing or overthinking

✔ You want simple tools to feel calmer and more in control of yourself

This book was the permission slip I didn’t know I needed.

The Life-Changing Magic of Letting People Be

Book Review & Reflection by Lindsay Smith, LCSW

The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About

By Mel Robbins

Mood of the Book:

Direct, empowering, and liberating

5 Gems to Fuel Growth…

Reclaim your power by releasing people-pleasing.

The shift I needed: When I try to please everyone, I lose sight of what makes me happy.

We spend so much energy trying to be liked—thinking if we just say or do the “right” thing, we’ll be accepted, appreciated, maybe even admired. But no matter how thoughtful, kind, or careful we are, someone won’t like it. That’s just reality. When we tie our sense of worth to others' reactions, we hand over our peace and power.

What if we focused on what lights us up and made choices that brought us joy and felt true to who we are, without worrying how it’s received? That shift has been freeing for me.

I’ve been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. It started when I was just a little girl who wanted to feel liked and included. Over time, that pattern became exhausting. I spent so much energy reading the room, anticipating needs, and shaping myself into who I thought others wanted me to be.

Now, I’m practicing turning that energy inward. I ask: What do I want? What will bring me joy in this moment? It's a work in progress, but every time I listen to my inner knowing of what I truly want, I feel stronger.

Let adults live their lives.

The shift I needed: Other people’s choices are not mine to manage and trying to do so only adds stress.

It sounds obvious—of course other adults get to make their own decisions! But for years, I was trying to guide, manage, or “help” the people around me do what I thought was best. It came from a loving place—really, it did!—but it wasn’t mine to do.

I remember being out to dinner with friends and making a casual comment about someone having a shot before our multi-course wine pairing. Another friend chimed in, “You’re not his mom.” It wasn’t said with malice, but it landed deeply. I realized in that moment how often I take responsibility for things that aren’t mine.

It’s been a relief to trust that other adults get to live their lives, even if their choices wouldn’t be mine. I still catch myself wanting to jump in, fix, or redirect. But I’m learning to step back and say, Let them. Let them be who they are. Let them figure it out. Let them live their life—so I can live mine more freely too.

Let them…and let it go.

The shift I needed: I don’t have control over others anyway, so why pretend I do?

I hadn’t realized how much energy I was wasting trying to manage the unmanageable—other people’s choices, reactions, and behaviors.

Mel’s “Let Them” mantra helped me to start noticing it everywhere: being annoyed when someone responded curtly in an email, showed up late, didn’t contribute in the way I expected, drank too much, handled a situation differently than I would have. I was constantly carrying stress over other people’s actions and none of it was in my control.

During the sale of my counseling centers, this showed up in a huge way. There were so many unknowns, delays, potential disruptions… and I let it consume me. I was so anxious, I could barely function. That stress came from trying to control things that I couldn’t.

“Let Them” became an exhale. Let them be who they are. Let them choose differently. Let them handle the situation in the way they see fit. And then…(see gem 4)

Let me…take my power back.

The shift I needed: It is empowering to focus on what I can control—me.

It doesn’t end with “Let Them.” That’s just the beginning.

After I release control of others, I get to ask: What do I want to do now? That’s where “Let Me” comes in. Do I want to let it go? Set a boundary? Speak up kindly? Shift my energy?

“Let Me” is about reclaiming my power—not to change others, but to take ownership of how I show up.

For example, if a family member shows up late, I can let them… and then let me not stress about how it looks. I don’t have to manage their behavior—or others’ impressions. I get to stay in my own lane and be calm, clear, and free.

The more I focus on what I can control (how I feel), the lighter and more empowered I am.

Protect your peace, especially in the small moments.

The shift I needed: Not everything deserves my energy, and my peace is worth protecting!

It’s amazing how many small things used to affect my peace. A long line. A rude driver. A delayed response. A customer service rep who didn’t have the answers. I would feel this frustration rise up and I’d carry that stress with me for far too long.

Now, I see how much choice I have in those moments. I ask myself: Is this worth my energy, my peace? And usually… it’s not.

So, I say “let them,” and then I decide how to use that time in a way that lifts me up. Maybe I take a breath, send a loving text, or shift into gratitude. Frustration and joy are both available. I’m choosing joy.

Waiting and delays will still exist, but I can be calm in it instead of controlled by it.

My 3 Core Ratings (1-5)

Mel’s stories and energy made this book engaging and easy to keep reading. Her bold, direct voice was empowering, though at times a bit intense. More wake-up call than warm hug. Still, the clarity and honesty brought valuable insights, and the uncomfortable moments led to growth.

This book sparked real change. I use “let them” and “let me” all the time now, especially in situations that used to stress me out. The reminder that “adults get to be adults” gave me peace and permission to focus on what’s actually mine to carry.

The tools are clear, memorable, and easy to use right away. I found myself applying the concepts while I was still reading. It does take conscious effort to keep practicing, but the simplicity and impact make it feel doable and worth it.

Mic Drop Moment:

“Let them be them, so you can finally let me be me.” – Mel Robbins

Notes, Nudges & Nuggets:

✔ Beyond the “let them” mindset, this book also gives practical insights on dealing with emotionally immature people, supporting others without enabling, and building better adult friendships.

✔ If you tend to rescue others, try replacing help with belief and trust that they’re capable of doing the hard thing.

✔ If comparison is stealing your peace, use it as a clue—it might be pointing you toward something you’re meant to create.

If you’re thinking about picking up this book – or doing any Amazon shopping – clicking through my link helps support future reviews at no extra cost to you. Thank you so much for your support!

Final Reflection:

This book reminded me that peace doesn’t come from changing others—it comes from changing how I show up.

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Is there something you’ve been holding too tightly? Try saying “let them” and see what shifts.

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